Is It Normal, Or Is It Just Familiar?

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Is it normal,

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OR IS IT JUST FAMILIAR?

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Have you ever been asked or asked the question: What is normal? Chances are you have both been asked and have asked this question. More times than not the response to this question usually sounds something like, “Normal is different for everyone”; “Normal is whatever you are accustomed to living”; “There is no normal”; “No one is normal”. I too use to think along these lines. However, after much contemplation, I have come to a very different conclusion. I realize that if there is an abnormal, there must be a normal.

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Think about if you were to take a visit to the doctor’s office for some tests. You would definitely want the doctor to tell you the results of your test were normal, and not abnormal. A normal report from a doctor would be a blessing and would bring about a sigh of relief. Normal test results would be considered a good bill of health. The same is true in life: Normal is good; Abnormal is not so good. There are just some behaviors, characteristics, situations, and circumstances that are not normal in the sense of being healthy and being able to live a productive life.

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If we are able to understand this concept of ‘being healthy as normal, and being unhealthy as abnormal’, we could perhaps realize that what we may call normal, is not normal at all, and may not even be healthy. Coming to this realization gives us the power to create a “new normal”.

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Perhaps what we are familiar with is not normal at all, but may even be considered abnormal; though familiar.

Just because something is familiar doesn’t necessarily make it normal. We can become so use to something that it just becomes our norm; even if not healthy. Much of what we deem as normal in our adult lives is what we were familiar with as children. Our childhood environment is in direct relation to the events we experience and attract as adults.

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Beliefs and behaviors are developed by what is observed and experienced at a young age. As young children we were very impressionable. The neurological limbic system is highly susceptible and is our predominant operating system from ages 0-5. It is an emotional system, connected to our subconscious mind, and absorbs everything like a sponge, with very little left to logic. Based upon what is experienced emotionally, conclusions are made; sometimes void of sound reasoning.

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Let’s say a little boy growing up in a house every weekend witnessed his father, while under the influence of alcohol, domestically abuse and assault his mother. Though this behavior in his home environment is familiar to him, it definitely is not healthy nor normal. However, because it is what he was accustomed to growing up, he may do the same as an adult man with his own wife and children, thus recreating the environment of what he became familiar with as a child through observation and experience.

Another example would be a little girl who was molested by her father, step-father, or uncle. The little girl may grow up to be very promiscuous and believe that her worth and value is in her sexuality and sensuality. She may use her sexuality as a means of power, and maybe even abhor all men. Worse yet because of this sexual violation and emotional wound which has affected her self-esteem and self-worth, this little girl is left more vulnerable to become prey for sexual trafficking.

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Another scenario would be a father walking out on his unborn child’s mother before she gives birth. Refusing to take part in the raising of a child, the father leaves without a trace. Then let’s say that the stress and strain of being left a single mother was just too much for the young mother, so she too, after giving birth walks out and abandons the child. This child may end up in foster care, being passed through the system, living in several different households with an array of abuses; one after another. The result: An adult that trusts no one with anger issues and possibly a personality disorder.

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I would not call any of these scenarios healthy normal environments, conducive to optimal physical, mental, emotional, social, psychological, or spiritual health and wellness of a child.

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Yet these scenarios, as tragic as they may sound, unfortunately are familiar childhood experiences for far too many children. These experiences definitely are not healthy, nor are they normal.

Childhood experiences are very much connected to core beliefs and are at the root of 70 – 80% of paradigms put in place by the time a child is five years of age. Paradigms direct behaviors. Interestingly, a five year old does not have the reasoning capabilities to make sound conclusions at such a tender age, so just learns to cope and survive. Vows are made as a means of self- preservation; that unfortunately may end up building a wall around the heart interfering with true intimacy later in life.

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The full effects of such traumatic experiences do not even appear until well into adulthood. Traumatic experiences, rather real or perceived, are stored in the limbic system via the subconscious. Physical and emotional traumas are processed in the same way; in that the neurological system doesn’t differentiate between physical and emotional trauma. Pain is pain, and it is stored in the cellular memory.

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A person may go on in life to become a great success in a chosen vocation after surviving many horrific childhood experiences. It is not uncommon for a survivor of such trauma to excel professionally, intellectually, socially, and financially only to be stagnated in emotional development and maturity. Traumatic experiences are suppressed and compartmentalized in the subconscious mind. It is my belief that this compartmentalization is part of God’s saving Grace. Otherwise, reaction to life’s early tragic experiences could cause survivors to become despondent to life in general, hindered in the ability to proceed forward, and just give up entirely because of what occurred; to no fault of their own.

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However, later on always comes…. These compartmentalized, unresolved emotional traumas must be processed. Otherwise, they will eventually rise to the surface and manifest themselves in negative ways; having an impact on the overall health and wellness of the spirit, soul, and body. Sub-conscious simply means under the level of consciousness or awareness. 95-97 % of how we function comes out of our subconscious mind. Unprocessed emotions, though buried, are still having an impact and may eventually lead to dis–ease via disease. Emotions buried alive never die. Time alone does not heal, but rather incubates for a more opportune time to manifest itself.

There comes a point in life when what used to work doesn’t work anymore.

Meaning whatever coping mechanisms that were adopted to cope do not quite do the trick anymore. The quiet underlying emotional inner turbulence becomes much too loud.

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For many years the coping mechanisms may have looked like drugs (street or prescription), alcohol, excessive food intake, shopping, workalcoholism, gambling, pornography, anger, chronic depression, etc… What is one to do when what was working is no longer working… when the vice of smoking something, popping something, shooting something, eating something, sexing someone, shopping, gambling, or whatever the chosen vice just doesn’t shake the underlining traumatic discomfort of the past? The answer can be summed up in one word “confrontation”. What will not be confronted, cannot be conquered. You simply cannot conquer what you refuse to confront. The truth sets free. However, first there must be a knowledge of the truth. Then there must be an acknowledgement of truth and a receiving of truth on an individual level. Otherwise, there will be no real transformation.

Think of life such as half time at a sporting event. Half time at a sporting event is a time to examine and re-evaluate how the first half of the game was played. If a team already has the winning edge, it will come up with a strategy to hold onto the win and finish strong. If a team has been losing in the first half, it will come up with a strategic game plan that makes the opposing team realize the team they played in the first half is not the same team that is returning for the second half. A new game plan will allow the losing team to be like a new team and play as champions. However, for that to happen there must be a new strategy and a different approach. So it is with life.

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A deep self-analysis and assessment usually takes place at midlife (halftime). It is during this assessment where impactful moments come to mind. Pretty soon there are enough moments that can be pinpointed to connect the dots of various experiences and see a pattern of paradigms and behaviors. There will be a familiar thread within each experience. The revisiting of old wounds is not easy and can be rather painful.

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However, the only way to get over something is to go through it. Once processed, the familiar can be released. New paradigms can be established and a new normal can be created. The past will no longer have a grip on life in the present. Processing will not be easy, but well worth it. Be sure to grieve the past, be thankful for the lessons learned, and forgive any offenses. Please be aware that forgiveness doesn’t make a perpetrator right, it makes the forgiver free.

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free and then discover that the prisoner was you.”

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– Lewis Smedes

Being free allows total embracement of the new. Remember somethings in life aren’t healthy or normal, just familiar. Now is the perfect time to create a “New Normal”.

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May God bless you and keep you as you embark on your path of health and wellness.

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Blessings,
La-Sharon Isbell

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Owner of Gospel of Fitness

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Is It Normal, Or Is It Just Familiar?

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